Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
