It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize