guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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