Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
