I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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