Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
