He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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