the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
