I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
