I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
