That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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