You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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