In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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