Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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