i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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