out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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