i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
