i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
