I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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