Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
