you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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