He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
