Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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