At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize