piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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