Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
