i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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