just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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