since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
