My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
