I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
