do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
