just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Ladies don't puke and tell
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm always down for nudity.
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