I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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