at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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