I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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