Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
