Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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