remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
