We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
