I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
