i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize