Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
