i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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