Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
