She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
