today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
