you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
