maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
