the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
