i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
