My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
