you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Non-Jews are for practice
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
