cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
