I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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