she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
