I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
