our cab driver is having phone sex.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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