I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I would fuck him just for his dog
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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