you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I want to be your penis for a week.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
