New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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