Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
