drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
