i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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